Growing

Rolling River God / Little Stones are smooth / Only once the water passes through
So I am a stone / Rough and grainy still / Trying to reconcile this river's chill


Lately, especially through circumstances, I've been very impressed by the Holy Spirit to pray for my heart. To pray that I become a joyful person, regardless of the fact if my life is going as I think it should. Happiness is fleeting, I want a steadfast joy that is manifested in my spirit because I'm continuing to believe in God's absolute soverignty. I can't speculate all the reasons, but perhaps God has allowed me and Adam to go through some things this past year to teach me that I my affection for the Lord is too often based upon my circumstances. Not to say that I don't love the Lord, because I do. He's my life, my hope, my everything.
There has to come a point in my walk, where as a child of God, I stop basing my faith and relationship with him on the way I feel at a certain time. I don't think that this is the truth in everything, but in the really hard times it has been. The Lord is so gracious towards me, abounding in Love, because I know I don't deserve His patience, but I'm so grateful for it.

Sometimes raging wild / Sometimes swollen high
Never have I known this river dry
The deepest part of you / Is where I want to stay / And feel the sharpest edges wash away

I hate going through hard times, as if anyone really likes it, but it's so true, if you allow Him, God will reveal to you, as He has to me, not necessarily the purpose or the whys, but more so how He wants me to be continually shaped for His glory.
I want to look back on my life, and despite my circumstances, say my heart was only blessing God. This is not an easy tasks, and it is not to say I can't present my requests to the Lord, because if I were Him, I'd get tired of hearing me..haha.
But isn't our life's purpose but to ultimately fellowship with the Lord, and to bring Him glory?!

But when I close my eyes / And feel you rushing by

I know that time brings change / And change takes time

When the sunset comes / My prayer would be just this one

That you might pick me up /And notice that I am Just a little smoother in your hand

River God ~ Song by: Nicole Nordeman
(This song means a lot to me, I first heard it the summer of 1999 while doing summer missions in CO)